FROM THE HOMELESS PERSON on the corner with their cardboard sign, to the endless unsolicited pleas in the mailbox or those of televangelists, to friends or family members in various stages of need, we are all occasionally caught in the wavering decision between should/shouldn’t, can/can’t, and will/won’t. It’s easier than perhaps it should be to ignore the corner cardboard billboard with its “any amount helps” and “God bless” scrawled in black marker pen. The post offices used to have trash cans to quickly dispose of the urgent “Please help. It depends on you!” red-inked envelopes. But the emotional and financial stake goes up when friends or family or church family express their need, which oftentimes costs them a great deal of pride and vulnerability. We’ve been in every one of these circumstances, and at times we gave, while other times we did not. The circumstances and the boundaries that surround our actions are different each time. Jesus tells us to “Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” (Matt. 5:42) We wonder if it’s really that simple, and of course, it isn’t.
For the borrower, there is the burden of debt, and a proverb reminds us that “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” (Prov. 22:7) The obverse to this is “The greedy bring ruin to their households.” (Prov. 15:27) Lenders are warned, “Do not take interest or any profit from them, but fear your God, so that they may continue to live among you. You must not lend them money at interest or sell them food at a profit.” (Lev. 25:36-37). And this brings us to consider whether, in any circumstance, to loan or to give, and which of those to choose. The homeless person on the corner can never pay us back; if we give, we do so with no expectation of return. Usually the amount given is negligible, and lays little financial burden on us, nor much afterthought. The unsolicited mail places no moral burden on us to give, though designed to pull urgently at the emotions and sometimes to manipulate by guilt. The trashcan awaits a casual toss. The significant issues occur with friends, family, and church family, and it is here that we struggle. With these, there are very real emotional and financial levels of burden, certainly the tension of moral imperative, and oftentimes guilt and resultant anger, even bitterness. How do we handle each of these weighty challenges? Should we lend, or should we give?
A true friend would be very careful to ask from a basis of integrity, but we need the wisdom to distinguish between friends and those who are merely acquaintances. We have no moral burden to loan to casual or even well-known acquaintances, though at times their needs are real and perhaps we will help them. A true friend raises more obligation on our part; the level of friendship, the actual need, and the work ethic and budgeting habits of the friend all come into play. John asks, and we should carefully consider, “If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?” (1 John 3:17) A proverb reminds us, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” (Prov. 11:25) Should we lend, or should we give?
With family, we are held to much higher biblical standards of conduct. We understand the responsibility of a parent with their children. But what about that responsibility towards adult children? In either case, more is expected of us, even though the same cautions of lending or giving to friends applies. But there is a higher degree of moral responsibility with family, and Paul speaks to this emphatically. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Tim. 5:8) Still, there is tension between their poverty and our penury, their need and our largess, their temporary or permanent circumstances, and our actual ability to meet those demands without bankruptcy of finances or emotions or spirit. Should we lend, or should we give?
With church family, all of these same cautions and principles apply. This is different than giving to the church. The prophet Malachi speaks of the expectation of God in this respect. “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” (Mal. 3:10) However, we see a principle in the Book of Acts that goes beyond supporting the church, and reaches to the needs of the family of God. “They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.” (Acts 2:45) Still, Paul warns, “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed.” (2 Thess. 3:10, 14) But he balances this against this: “Let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” (Gal. 6:10) James reminds us, additionally, “If one of you says, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” (James 2:16) Should we lend, or should we give?
In all these circumstances, and for each of us differently, these can be very difficult decisions. Prayer should be part of these decisions, for they take wisdom, and James reminds “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5) Our ability to lend or give must be weighed within this wisdom. The thing that is most freeing is to give, if possible. And the best advice the bible has to give in this respect in this context we receive from Paul. “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Cor. 9:7) Paul adds, so that we will understand where our resources come from, “God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (2 Cor. 9-8)
Q. Should I lend, or should I give?
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