WE’VE ALL HAD TIMES when it has been necessary to have a relationship-straining talk with someone or some group of people. We’ve watched and listened and processed in an interconnected set of circumstances and seen the tension mounting over unresolved issues. Some of them require a responsible word or action from us, but this does not come without risk. This is the case as Paul begins his second letter to the Corinthian church. His first letter had been very stern; here, he is in cautious damage-control mode. He is partly defending his apostolic authority, and is motivated beyond that to ministering to a church body that is falling short of spiritual maturity.
He begins with this salutation. “To the church of God in Corinth, together with all his holy people throughout Achaia: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Cor. 1:1b-2) It is a call to unity, the lack of which had been a major issue in the church, and one that Paul had been called to address in his first letter. In that letter, his opening statement was “I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.” (1 Cor. 1:10)
Paul’s tone in this letter is far more conciliatory. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Cor. 1:3-4) His pronouns have intentionally changed from “you” to “we.” His theme and words are carefully chosen. “We share in the sufferings of Christ.” “Our comfort abounds in Christ.” “We are distressed for your comfort.” “Our hope for you is firm.” “We know you share in our comfort.” (2 Cor. 1:5-7)
He continues in the language of peace-making, but does not retreat from the necessary disciplinary intent of the earlier letter. Delicately, tactfully, hopefully, but intentionally, he first to, and then past, his underlying non-negotiable statement: “Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace.” (2 Cor. 1:12) He immediately softens this, adding “And I hope that, as you have understood us in part, you will come to understand fully that you can boast of us just as we will boast of you in the day of the Lord Jesus.” (2 Cor. 1:13b-14)
After much further tip-toeing around potential relationship quicksand, Paul refers again to the earlier letter. “I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.” (2 Cor. 2:4) After still-further consistently compassionate exhortations, he imparts a spiritual lesson, and at the same time turns the conversation away from the tensions and into his and their place in the fellowship of Jesus-followers. “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2 Cor. 3:6)
There is great wisdom in Paul’s pattern of thought and the way in which he develops a discussion of a difficult topic. He does not criticize or condemn; neither does he back away from the necessity of his earlier disciplinary statements. He refers to the discipline in an oblique manner, but keeps his rhetoric very clearly focused on resolution and solution. The resolution addresses not only past actions and negative emotions involving all the players, it also leads past those issues to a higher calling. The past issues of disunity find solution in ‘The Spirit that gives life.’
We have no way of knowing how well the church at Corinth received and acted upon this letter. Our hope, as was Paul’s, that they would receive it in the spirit and in the Spirit it was written. We live in times that call for the same kind of wisdom that Paul displays, and in times when communication is virtually instantaneous, for good or for ill. We don’t have to wonder whether people physically ‘get the message,’ for our phone calls and text messages and emails and social media pages are a hot-bed of information, mis-information, dis-information, and potential controversy over every nuance of posted thought or opinion.
We would do well to consider the cautious tone that Paul adopts, and his very careful choices of specific words to convey his ideas and especially his motives. Elsewhere, Paul offers this wisdom for reflection: “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Gal. 5:15) And Wisdom says, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” (Prov. 21:23)
There is a higher motivation than self-preservation, however, and this we learn from the Lord Jesus: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matt. 5:9) As we cautiously and intentionally work our way through difficult conversations, we must make it a habit to approach these as a delicate matter for all concerned, and with a desired outcome that is not just mutually beneficial, but one which honors our mutual Father. As we do so, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Prov. 4:23)
Q. What difficult conversation have I been avoiding because I don’t know how to deal with it?
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